Exclusive Interview With Santa Claus

Jake's Blog is proud to annouce our exclusive interview with the jolly old elf himself.  We recently took a trip to the North Pole to get a glimpse of what goes on behind the scenes at Santa's Workshop.

JB: Hi Santa!  Or should I call you St. Nick?

SC: Santa will work for me.  How are you doing son?

JB: A little cold.  How do you hack it up here?  I think it's time you start thinking about some beachfront property.  I hear there are some great deals on timeshares these days.

SC: Ho, ho... oh, you are funny.  We like it up here.  We don't get much in the way of distractions, so we can work year round to make little boys and girls happy everywhere.

JB: You work year round?  Don't you give vacations to your little elf buddies?

SC: Living here, serving the greater good...  who needs a vacation?

JB: Ok Santa, everyone wants to know:  Have I been a good boy this year?

SC: Umm.  Sure.

JB: So what am I getting?

SC: You'll be pleasantly surprised.

JB: I see that conversation is going nowhere, eh?

SC: You've got it.

JB: Ok, just a few questions and I'll let you get back to business.  Is Rudolph really a reindeer?  If so, does he really have a red nose?  And if so, can he really fly?

SC: You are quite curious.  What do you think?

JB: I think you aren't going to tell me.

SC: Ho, ha, ha.

JB: Tell us, how do you make all the toys for all the girls and all the boys.

SC: My elves actually don't make a lot of toys anymore.  We've found eBay is much easier.

JB: eBay Santa?

SC: Yes!  In fact, I am setting up my own eBay store.  My elves have got quite good at surfing the net.  They've taught old St. Nick a few things here and there.  I'm well on my way to being a Power Seller.  I sometimes advertise on Craigslist too.  I have had to find a way to unload a lot of these old toys up here.  Hand-made just doesn't get the same reaction as it used to.

JB: I take it you are doing well for yourself then?

SC: In the immortal words of Dave Chappelle mocking Rick James

(cut off by me)

JB: Whoah!  Santa!  This is a family blog.

SC: Sorry..  ok, I'm rich, without the rest of the line.

JB: So the North Pole has gone tech savvy?

SC: Most definitely.

JB: Any chance we might see a Santa blog or some YouTube videos in the near future?

SC: Yes.  We are working on a few things.  You might even see Santa in a mankini from my trip to the Carribbean.  Mrs. Claus was quite the hottie when we dressed in matching red and whites.

JB: Ok, bad picture in my head there...  next topic...  do you Text too?

SC: Yep...  LOL.  If you notice, the NoPo, that is text for North Pole, is quite large and there are quite a few of us around here.  It's easier to keep up with texting with our new Blackberry's too...  oh you haven't seen these yet...  look around the Christmas tree at your cousins house for a sneak peek.

JB: Why not my house?

SC: You weren't THAT good this year.

JB: Last questions Santa.  How do you do it?  How do you go to every house on the planet in one night?  How do you get down the chimneys?  What if the house doesn't have a chimney?  What if it's an apartment?  Do you go up the fire escape?  The world wants to know!

SC: Magic of course.  How else would it get done?  Can you actually picture me trying to climb down a chimney or around on fire escapes?  I'd get myself killed.

JB: Ok, I can see your point, but how do you expect us to believe there is really magic?

SC: You are the one interviewing Santa Claus.  I'd say anything is possible!

JB: Fair enough.  Santa, it's time I get back to my life in the midwest.  Can you give us a ho, ho, ho?

SC: Ho, ho, ho!  Merry Christmas!!!!

JB:  Thanks Santa!  I'll leave out the cookies and milk...  you're looking a bit heavy, so fat free and skim will have to work!  I hope you are bringing me a white Christmas this year!  Umm, any chance I can borrow the sleigh for a bit?  It's a long way back home!