Sunday, November 11, 2007 6:22 PM
This one is going to be like the sequel to my first blog post. I am actually not that bad of a writer, so I hope my style continues to evolve and I get in the flow of doing these blog posts. I've never tried and it is definitely different writing about me instead of something fictional or some situation in a very vague way like I do with song lyrics. I don't like to fail, so I'll keep trying to get better at this. Hopefully, I'll gain some readers along the way. It deinitely feels good to have a place to voice my feelings about things.
So today was the Chiefs game. YUCK! I capped it and that doesn't describe how bad that was. How about bold and bigger:
YUCK
I feel a bit better now. It wasn't even that the game was so bad. Ok, the game was so bad, but I've learned that I can live with a bad performance here and there. I guess my frustration is that the poor play kind of sums up my feelings about some of the things I have witnessed and continue to be amazed by since I quit drinking and started observing more. Before, I think I was the letter C in that YUCK, but now I see just how messed up things can be. Like I said in my last blog post, I love my friends, they just frustrate me sometimes. There is a lot of confusion going on around me with them, but rather than focus on their issues, I'll focus on my own. I think the biggest awakening I am having is now I see just how many things I have to work on within myself and who I am. I think I used drinking as a way to hold on to my youth or immaturity or whatever you want to call it. In fact, I have some issues with myself that I thought I resolved in my life. First off, when it comes to trying to meet women, I am horrible. I still have some confidence issues here. I think I have found by watching my friends that they too have a lot of the same issues, but use liquid courage to overcome them. They then end up in this endless cycle of unhappiness. Well, I am kind of the opposite. I used liquid courage to ignore the fact that there were women around. When that was done, guess what? Yup, you guessed it, there were NO women around and I am still single. While my dogs love me and I love them, they sure don't make great dates! So, I am going to make a conscious effort to work on that. I thought about starting yesterday. I was in a good situation. I went to the MU game and there were plenty of ladies around and I had fun looking left and right and forward and back and thinking WOW. But then my sense came over me and I realized, my attitude yesterday I probably wouldn't have been much fun. Not to mention that college gals are in a WAY different place in life than me anyway. I think I need to focus on the gals out of school and building a career. Probably a tad closer to my age. In case you are wondering, I turned 30 last august. It was kind of a fun thought though. I always wanted to go to MU and be like those kids I saw out there yesterday. It would have been so cool. Another thing I am going to do to try and improve what is going on around me is start to set some rules. First rules are going to make some of my friends angry, but that is their problem, not mine. First off, I am going to not allow any drinking in my motor vehicle. I have been kind of lax about that the past few years. No more. My friends can get hammered on their own time, but not mine. If they want a ride from me, then they can wait till they get where they are going. Second rule will have to do with transporting alcohol. I am going to stop that at some point as well. Maybe, if anything, it might make me feel better that I am not contributing to my friends drunkeness. Not that I mind giving people a ride, but it might save me from having to be the driver everywhere we go. Next big change I am thinking about is to try and start making some new friends that are different than my current ones. Not that I want to get rid of my friends, but rather, expand my horizons. I like other things that I never do, such as going to the theatre or concerts (rarely do I go). I know there are a ton of things I could do if given the right partner in it. Maybe that partner might be a she and then I could become part of a them or we. That would be pretty cool too. Eventually, I want to start my own family. I've done good things. I am successful. I am a CTO for a company. I own an acreage. I have a pond. I have a rental that I rent to a nice couple. I have two great dogs. I built my house. Hell, I built my house for my eventually family. I made sure to make it big enough that we could grow into it. I try and do the right things. I think I am a good guy. I know this is a geek site, but I think it's ok in my blog if I am a geek about more than just computer stuff. I can talk tech too. Maybe next blog post I can give some C# lessons, or talk about SQL Server administration. Right now, I have a very cloudy head and I am just screaming out at whoever will listen. This is potentially the biggest audience I can have and I am just hoping that maybe through my ramblings I clear my head a bit and who knows, maybe someone out there can relate to a few things going on in my world.
Good night from Pleasant Hill, MO! Happy blogging! I'm kind of on a roll, so I may just sit here and write and write.