Warning: This long rant contains offensive language. Don't read if you are under 18.
So I arrived in Amsterdam for Tech*Ed. Just like all normal people when they are traveling, the first thing I would like to do is check my email.
And, of course, I'm curious to see if I made any sales with the new ebook
that I put online just before leaving.
The Netherlands is one of the top countries for internet access, so this could not really be a problem. Or could it? I went to the hotel lobby and asked if they had internet access in the hotel. Sure, they had one computer with internet access. Only 5 euro per 15 min or 10 euro per 45 min. But unfortunately it was just not working right now. Maybe I can come back later?
Some time later, I come back, and the very friendly hotel host will try to get it working. I wait a bit while he is helping clients check in, but by the time he conmes back to me, unfortunately someone else asked to use the computer. So can I wait a bit until they are finished?
But I have a better idea. I ask him to call a taxi to take me to an internet cafe.
The taxi will be there in just 15 min. So I have some time to get a coffee in the bar and be blown away when finding out what they charge for that.
So only 20 min. later the taxi is there already. I ask him to take m,e to an internet cafe that's open this late. It'saround midnight already.
The taxi driver calls the office to ask if they know of such a place and receives instructions. We drive to the place, just 15 min. away, and see that it's closed.
Not to worry, there are other places which might be open. He looks in an address book, calls the office again, and off we go, driving through the streets of Amsterdam past every closed internet cafe there is.
"You see, sir, it's sunday evening, so everything closes a bit earlier." Until, finally, one coffee shop with internet access appears to be open.
I get out of the taxi fast and walk into the place. If I can use the internet? "Sorry sir but we are closed."
So I walk down the street to see another internet cafe just close the doors.
So I walk around, looking for all streets that seem busy. I walk into an empty put, with no clients but apperantly open, and ask the two bartenders if they know of any place with internet access.
One of the bartenders understands exactly what I am looking for and sends me back to the place where the taxi driver first took me.
So I continue walking around, looking for busy streets. One girl in the street wants me to give her some coins, which I refuse. After insisting a bit, she asks: "Do nyou want a blowjob?". When I refuse even this offer, she finally gives up.
And then, finally, I see this place which has a sign "Internet". The place looks far from empty, so I'm sure I got lucky this time.
I ask the bartender if I could please use the internet? "Sorry sir, but we are closing in 10 min. You can't use the internet now."
So I ask if she could give me a coffee instead?
"Sorry sir, but I can't give you a coffee. All you can get is some weed. There in the back."
What can one do? get a pizza, and take a taxi back to the hotel.
The hotel clerck asks if I found something. Nope. If I want to try again at the hotel? Yes please. "Well someone else is using the internet now, if you could just wait a little bit." A half hour later I try again. Looks like the computer is being used again, but they are just playing games, and internet has precedence. So I canm finally proceed.
But, unfortunately, the server just went down. Let me reboot... No, doesn't help, sorry.
I want to give it one last try, another half hour later. I wait 5 minutes for the lift to take me down, then decide to give up and take the stairs. Oly 4 stages down, and walking is sooooo much faster.
No need to tell you that it doesn't work right now, but he will try to ge it to work and if that doesn't work he will let me use the computer at the desk. I told you, this guy is really friendly and helpful.
And then, finally, there it is! HJere I am, sitting at a computer, typing a blog entry! You can imagine how many popups I'm getting here from all types of spyware, and one piece of spyware even complained that it had been uninstalled, probably without my consent.
But it actually works!
Now let's just hope that it holds up until after I press the "post" button...