Things always change... sometimes when we want, other times when we don't. I once was in love, but left her because I couldn't watch her destroy her life with drugs.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about you Georgia. After I left you I met and married a woman. I didn't know it at the time, but I didn't love her. I thought that she could fill the hole that was in my heart - that my love for you was an adolescent love; one soon forgotten. Years went by and I tried to forget you, my first love. I forgot all about love and happiness, these emotions were replaced by apathy and depression. I had forgotten what it was like to laugh. I was stuck in a relationship that I couldn't handle anymore and it was threatening to destroy my very soul. I decided to end it, but right as I separated from her she announced that she was pregnant. Not the first time that I thought I was going to be a father. Remember that time you disappeared for two weeks? You returned and announced that you had a miscarriage... but were too frightened to even use the word. I understood merely from your tone.
This time was different because I wanted out. I separated from my son's mother because I didn't want him to grow up seeing the kind of relationship that I had with his mother. We were divorced within a year of his birth, and I have become a non-custodial father. He knows my face and calls me "daddy" because I see him regularly.
I've tried to find the kind of love that I felt for you... but it's been 12 years (5 since my divorce). I've dated 2 women in five years. Kristen held promise... but faded from my life without a whisper. She was the first that stirred my heart even a fraction of what you could.
I hope that I can find that love again... one that stirs the soul, like you did.
This post inspired by Wicker Park.
posted @ Thursday, June 09, 2005 10:37 PM