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pemo (Notes from a Small [Academic] Island) ++++++++++++++++++ It's all academic! ++++++++++++++++++
I'd love to do a search and replace on a student's essay!
 

IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN…

 I haven't bothered to look up the original reference.

IT IS NOT UNREASONABLE TO ASSUME…

 If you believe this, you'll believe anything.

OF GREAT THEORETICAL AND PRACTICAL IMPORTANCE

 Interesting to me.

WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS…

 The experiments didn't work out, but I figured I could get publicity out of it.

THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY

 The results on the others didn't make sense, and were ignored.

TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN

 The best results are shown.

PRESUMABLY AT LONGER TIMES…

 I didn't take the time to find out.

THESE RESULTS WILL BE REPORTED AT A LATER DATE

 I might get around to this sometime.

THE MOST RELIABLE VALUES ARE THOSE OF JONES

 He was a student/supervisor of mine.

IT IS BELIEVED THAT…

 I think.

IT IS GENERALLY ACCEPTED THAT...

 A guy in a bar once agreed with me.

IT IS WIDESPREAD KNOWLEDGE THAT...

 Two guys in a bar agreed with me.

IT IS UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED THAT...

 The bartender agreed too

IT MIGHT BE ARGUED THAT…

 I have such a good answer for this objection that I shall now raise it.

IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING…

 I don't understand.

CORRECT WITH IN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE

 Wrong.

IT IS TO BE HOPED THAT THIS WORK WILL STIMULATE FURTHER WORK IN THE FIELD

 This paper is not very good, but neither are any of the others on this miserable subject.

THANKS ARE DUE TO X FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO Y FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS

 X did the work, and Y explained it to me.

OF GREAT PRACTICAL IMPORTANCE…

 I can get some mileage out of it.

IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITIVE ANSWERS…

 The experiment was negative, but at least I can publish the data somewhere.

THESE INVESTIGATIONS PROVED HIGHLY REWARDING…

 My grant is going to be renewed.

FASCINATING WORK...

 Work by a member of our group.

OF DOUBTFUL SIGNIFICANCE...

 it was done by someone else.

TRIVIAL...

 It took me a whole week to figure it out.

DATA HAVE BEEN NORMALISED...

 You wouldn't believe the numbers I got.

STATISTICAL ANALYSES REVEAL...

 I had to lie a bit.

DATA PROCESSING PROCEDURES WERE IMPLEMENTED...

 I had to lie a lot.

I SHOULD LIKE TO THANK…

 Please put in a good word for me with the examiners.

Posted on Monday, August 30, 2004 3:41 PM | Back to top

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