Those crazy people at the Orlando Sentinel (subscription required) have been at it again. I think they need to go bake on a beach for a week or two. You just gotta keep laughing. Of course, they also claim that this was a "once in a lifetime" kind of hurricane year. Yeah right - until next year.
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Whether natives or newcomers, residents of the Sunshine State (Ha!) have faced a multitude of, er, weather challenges the past two months. Yet, Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne have made us get a bit philosophical here at the Sentinel's Institute of Cloud Tops, Convection and Shear Madness. We therefore present the results of a comprehensive study into what really makes Florida -- and Floridians -- so special.
You know you live in Florida when . . .
- You spend more time on your roof than in your living room.
- Your kids start school in August and finish in July.
- You know the plot to Groundhog Day and haven't even seen the movie.
- There's a "No Wake" sign posted at the end of your driveway.
- Having a tree in the living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
- You consider plywood a window treatment.
- You know which weathercasters are pregnant.
- The term "huge fan" has nothing to do with sports.
- You won't trade cars until you've tried to guess which tree to park your lemon under for the next hurricane.
- You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or tree-service worker.
- You actually like talking to your insurance agent.
- Toilet paper is elevated to coin of the realm at shelters.
- Your swimming pool experiences tides.
- A hurricane with wind hits you harder than a hurricane with alcohol.
- You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the "bad side."
- Suspended tolls are a highlight of your life.
- A battery-powered TV is considered an entertainment center.
- Your 5-year-old knows the difference between a Category 2 and Category 3 storm.
- You find the hum of a generator erotic.
- You can't swim because your pool is full of patio furniture.
- You actually have seen pigs fly.
- You own seven or more of the following: a generator, a power inverter, a weather radio, a battery-powered TV, a battery-powered fan, battery-powered lanterns, a 5-gallon gasoline can, several tarps, a chain saw, a pole saw and a rain suit.
- Your parrot can say "Hunker down."
- You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
- You miss the days when the only topics that put Florida in the national news were flawed elections and drug kingpins.
- Your children associate huffing and puffing to blow a house down not with a Big Bad Wolf, but with a hurricane.
- You know exactly how long two bags of ice will last in your cooler.
- You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning.
- Your hurricane parties keep getting canceled because of hurricanes.
- Even as an adult, sundown means time for bed.