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Lance Robinson is a software engineer in Durham, Chapel Hill, Raleigh, and surrounding areas. More about Lance.

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Here's a project for those of you who dislike functionality love iPods, but are cursed with PocketPC ownership.  You can convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in just a few simple steps.  I am going to walk you through it.

Introduction:

Convenience, mobility, and function.  Nice, but unnecessary.  You know, there are times when you just don't need bluetooth.  There are times when you don't need wifi.  There are times when you don't need a phone.  After all, these features are really just the lazy-mans alternative to the old fashioned way of getting up off your ass and plugging in a cord.  We've become spoiled by technology.  There's a quick solution for this.  Follow the steps below to easily free your Pocket PC of these flamboyant features.

Requirements:  

(A) Hammer
(B) Large-tip permanent marker, black
(C) 1 Steel-toed boot
(D) Lighter fluid
(E) 1 match
(F) Fire extinguisher
(G) 1 can spray paint, white
(H) 1 Pocket PC, with any or all of the following features

  • Bluetooth and wifi support
  • Windows, with all kinds of great software apps like Excel, Word, Outlook, IE, games, calendar, voice recorder, calc, etc.
  • Its a phone too!  One less device to carry in my pocket.
  • 3.5 inch touchscreen
  • slide-out QWERTY keyboard, or I can use the stylus and the software keyboard or letter recognition software.
  • Built-in mic, useful for recording quick notes.
  • The ability to run my own home-developed software apps
  • Oh, and I forgot one good piece of software:  Windows Media Player
  • Compact Flash and Secure Digital card support

Step 1:  Remove bluetooth, wifi, and phone capabilities

With the hammer (A), bang off that little antenna at the top of the device.  Note:  use a full strength blow, to assure that you do not simply cripple your wifi connection.  The goal here is to completely destroy it so that you have no connectivity to other devices whatsoever.

Step 2: Remove user interface hardware

I don't know who's idea it was to add a QWERTY keyboard to a mobile computing device, but I'm assuming they have long since been fired.  Who would possibly think up such a thing?  Now, in a perfect world I could remove all the user interface options other than one button - but for now just remove this keyboard.  Slide out the keyboard.  Set the device on the edge of a table so that the keyboard hangs off the table.  Similarly to step 1, swing hammer (A) at the keyboard.  Note:  again, be sure to use a full strength blow, so that the entire keyboard is removed and not just some of the keys.  What we're looking for here is the complete inability to communicate with the device through keyboard input.

Step 3: Remove audio input capabilities

Warning:  If applicable, please have a parent or guardian present during this step.

Set the Pocket PC onto a non-flammable surface such that the built-in microphone faces up.  With a fire extinguisher near, carefully place a few drops of lighter fluid (D) onto the microphone.  Immediately light 1 match (E), and light the microphone on fire.  Let this sit for approximately 15 seconds, and then cover the flame until it is extinguished.

Step 4: Remove extraneous software

Before performing this step, please let your Pocket PC sit for approximately 1 hour to allow any lighter fluid left over from step 3 to evaporate.  Then carefully power on the device.  If your device still works, and there are no puffs of smoke or sparks coming from it, go ahead and delete all the unnecessary applications from your device.  Anything that doesn't play music falls in this category.  Examples of things to delete:

Instant messaging software
Games
Excel
Word
Outlook
Internet Explorer
etc.

Step 5: Make screen a smaller size

The key here is to eliminate unnecessary screen space.  Now that all software except the media player has been deleted, we really only need that tiny part of the screen that allows you to start and stop the music.  With black permanent marker (B), carefully mark over the top 2 or more inches of the screen, leaving only the bottom part of the screen visible.

At the end of this step, I realize you will still have touch-screen capabilities.  Sorry, life is tough and we must all roll with the punches.  You can remove this feature using a procedure similar to that used in step 3, however this is an advanced technique and should only be attempted by a qualified technician.  If you attempt to do this yourself, you may want to check with the manufacturer first because your warranty will probably be voided.

Step 6: Remove extensibility and customization features

Advanced users may wish to research the movie Office Space prior to attempting this step.

Almost complete, however our device still has the ability to be updated by its owner.  For example, if I want to develop a new piece of software using the .Net compact framework and Visual Studio 2005, I can deploy that to my device to improve my own efficiency using the device (this is bad, bad, bad).  Setting the device aside, this step will have to do with your desktop computer instead.  First remove all cords coming into and out of the computer.  Then pick up the computer, put it in the back seat of your car and drive to a local soccer field with a few friends.  Remove the computer and set it on the ground at the center of the field.  Using the steel-toed boot (C), take turns kicking, throwing, and generally beating the crap out of your computer.  After all, you don't need it after you have your iPod clone.

Step 7:  Finishing Touch

Using the spraypaint (G), paint everything except for the screen (including any headphone sets that can be used with the Pocket PC)

Congratulations!  If you followed these steps correctly, your Pocket PC device should now function like an actual iPod!

Smartphone users, stay tuned for steps to turn your Smartphone into an old fashioned rotary dial housephone, complete with long twirly cords that bind you to the walls of your home.  After all, there is no place like home.

 


  Posted on Tuesday, January 24, 2006 7:52 AM | Back to top


Comments on this post: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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i love it!!
Left by Tim Hibbard on Jan 24, 2006 10:32 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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You forgot the bit about mailing a check for the unwanted features to Apple. To be fair since you improved your pocket PC by removing all these features you better pay for it.
Left by Amit Sharma on Jan 31, 2006 11:39 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Dear Sir :

I followed exactly your tutorial but I've found that is not working at all. In fact, a friend of mine that knows some about computers told me that I've destroyed my 800 Euro PocketPC. I'll sue you!!!!
(Heheh, just kidding , your mod works perfectly and is fast than a real Ipod... )
Left by Neuron on Feb 10, 2006 6:47 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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I took it a step further. I wanted to make mine like a Shuffle, so I removed the screen entirely.
Left by Fred on Feb 10, 2006 7:44 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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So lame.
Left by LD on Feb 10, 2006 11:14 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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This shows you exactly why the iPod is successful...

It only really does a couple of things (instead of trying to do everything) and does those things well.
Left by ChrisM70 on Feb 10, 2006 11:27 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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I know Apple is plagued with fanboys, but Windows fanboys just seems a bit more pathetic.
Left by Kevin Lee on Feb 10, 2006 12:05 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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It's more of an anti-ipod fanboy.... Which I am proudly

Good work, this mod works as well as an actual ipod!
Left by BOb on Feb 10, 2006 12:21 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Reading this makes me glad that I am not stupid.
Left by Edicius on Feb 10, 2006 12:39 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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I was completely unaware that Windows portable devices and iPodden were competing products. After all, it's unconceivable that people might buy either for completely different reasons. Thanks for clearing up that ambiguity for all of us.

Sidebar: My mobile is alright, but why the hell can't it wash my clothes? In the same vein, my car has shown itself to be an exceptionally poor place to prepare my morning tea. Any ideas on how to convert either?
Left by Rock Strongo on Feb 10, 2006 12:48 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Make sure you strap about 6 spare batteries to your new 'iPod' else you'll be flat in 3 hours :P

You will if you used a dell axim for this, like I did.

Well, I cheated and skipped the mods, but replaced my iPod with a pocket pc.

Sounds better than an iPod (EQs that work!), plays more formats than an iPod, and flat much sooner than an iPod :(
Left by Some1 on Feb 10, 2006 12:48 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Man, this is great! This will let me get rid of my stupid streaming video capabilities, let me avoid the bill collectors calls, and keep me from getting spam email ever again. I mean, all these pr0n subscriptions just seem to give me a lot of junk email!
How do remove the unwanted camera too?
Left by Tenshi on Feb 10, 2006 12:51 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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wow. This article transcends stupidity. I suppose you would need to carry around 4+ 8gb CF cards (and drop around $2000 on them) to equal the storage capacity of an ipod. Jackass.
Left by rokko on Feb 10, 2006 2:59 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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I wonder how may people read the article before flaming?

Good stuff, to bad I have a palm instead.
Left by 2xbob on Feb 11, 2006 7:34 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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you forgot one important change that will unsettle the typical pocket pc user: you wont need to reset and reboot each time you want to enyoy some musik :-)
Left by reiner on Feb 11, 2006 7:47 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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great joke man. pity to many ppl seem to have lost a sense of humor. :P
Left by Arasoi on Feb 12, 2006 10:02 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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This is like saying you can turn a La-Z-Boy into an Eames chair by nailing the footrest shut and duct taping plywood sheets over the upholstery.
Left by disgusted on Feb 12, 2006 2:22 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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haha, this is great. Somebody should flickr photos of the process :P
Left by Nathan on Feb 12, 2006 3:53 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Hehe... but on the pro side you forgot upping the capacity by 1000% which his where the iPod gets most of it's cost.
Left by Dave on Feb 12, 2006 11:58 PM

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This give an interesting insight into the whole 'detail vs concept' thingee. Diametric opposites on the 2D personality spectrum.
Left by bluefin on Feb 13, 2006 8:57 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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I love when things are getting improved - everything has a better use than expected
Left by RedEye on Feb 14, 2006 1:21 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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then again with the correct coding we could turn George Bush into Lilly Tommlin
Left by Senor Vocabulary on Feb 24, 2006 7:54 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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You should not get angry when something new is created. You should learn about it, not criticize it because you don't have one. Yeah, I'd rather carry a camera, notebook, phone, Ipod, Gameboy, bla bla bla... I'll just stick it next to my pocket protector or start wearing cargo pants. Maybe I’ll carry a suitcase so I can keep it all with me. You never know just when you'll need 8 gigs of music- maybe when you make my next trip to the moon or anywhere else where you'll actually have time to listen to it all. So go ahead- spend an extra $200 for something else that you'll just have to spend more $ on for more accessories.
Left by MOD187 on Mar 03, 2006 8:46 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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very funny....thanks for that :-)

(err...you folks with the nasty comments, lighten up)
Left by funny on Mar 03, 2006 2:01 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Pure genius, im astounded no-one has thought of this before.
You have inspired me to go out and buy a Pocket PC just so i can turn it into an iPod while at the same time statisfing my desire for use of brute force against and destruction of innocent, defencless, inanimate objects.
HOORAY for violence and unnesscary destruction
Left by Joe on Mar 16, 2006 2:11 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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well if you want 1 step solution install lyrics magic player , which has 10 band equalizers , bass boost, lyrics show up ,skins , and get a large size memory card 4 GB . of course you need ipod earbuds to listen to it ,but they too lack BASS which is needed so i am trying to find shure earbuds but they are to much for my pocket ,to fit in ears
Left by kamalneet on Nov 20, 2006 11:29 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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It's my mothers Pocket PC...
But without modification it is a iPod Video with
WiFi like Microsoft Zune and something both dont have: touchscreen, bluetooth and bad batteries.
FrozenFire.
Left by FrozenFire on Feb 27, 2007 2:31 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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While I started reading the requirements, I got scared. Hammer, (no man, I love my PocketPC). Lighter fluid, 1 match, (man I don't want to burn my PocketPC).

But after reading the full article, I was bit impressed. Great Work
Left by Michael Kors on Mar 09, 2007 7:40 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Who needs batteries? And 80gb of hard drive? Oh, come on...isn't that a little overkill. I like the whole idea of only a few gb of memory and low battery life...it will make me conserve.
Left by Brian on Mar 20, 2007 9:24 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Hello great instructions, but somthing in the back of my mind says don't follow it. I'm not really sure why. Also a quote "yuo = retard." from Tom.... Somehow I don't think that is very offending. I'm not sure why but somthing in the back of my mind says so. Hmm I wonder why.
Left by Damon on Mar 25, 2007 12:55 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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I won an ipod in a raffle. I have a(n?) HTC Wizard (aka Tmobile MDA, Qtek 9100, Cingular 8125). Heh, heh. Now i have both. Heh, heh.

I am grateful to have the ipod 1.) c'uz it does feel rather luxurious 2.) It's more durable (don't ask....) 3.) I can be at peace not %^*&ing tweaking the thing every free minute, or thinking about how I can tweak it (My SPB products, all of them, are completely customized) just because I'm within 8 feet of the thing, but I can still listen to pretty much whatever I want. Sometimes OCD needs a little external control.

Apple = yummy ride Cadillac, Microsoft = rambunctious Jeep

I still have a hard time figuring out why people want small computers (etc.) and big vehicles.
Left by Janis on Apr 03, 2007 10:17 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Apple To be fair since you improved your pocket PC by removing all these features, computers told me that I've PocketPC, iPodden were competing products. After all, it's unconceivable
Left by Glen on Sep 30, 2007 9:15 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Excellent step by step instructions for taking out that useless Pocket PC! Hah! But seriously, I think you do have a point here. I mean, like you said, we really have become spoiled by technology. What used to be very convenient – simply plugging in a cord to connect to the internet – is now considered an incredible amount of work. I mean, gasp, you actually have to carry around an Ethernet cable! Everyone now wants their Pocket PCs, their iPods, their wireless internet…it makes me wonder what would happen if we suddenly lost all of this great technology. Could we go back to dial up, for example? How would we function without Amazon or any of the other online stores? What would happen if we suddenly had to use type writers again…sometimes, I think we really have become much to dependent on technology and need to take the hammer to a few things!
Left by toys on Oct 12, 2007 4:28 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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...I love you! The iPod was obsolete before its initial release... I thought, "Nahh... This'll NEVER catch on... Society's not that stupid... The Pocket PC's the way of the future!" Heh... Guess I shouldn't have so much trust in society...
Left by Joe on Dec 10, 2007 4:53 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Don’t you think this is quite an insult to pocket PC producers? I mean they’re already pocket PCs and are why better or higher than iPods. So, why convert them?

But, really, I’m very impressed with this step-by-step procedure of yours. Since my pocket PC is still less than a month old, I think I’ll just keep your procedure for a while and wait until I’m sick and tired of my pocket PC before converting it into an iPod.
Left by Pet portrait artists on Dec 13, 2007 3:35 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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mine didn't turn out right when i turn it on now it just yells at me with warnings and such
what did i do wrong?
Left by Nathan on Jan 02, 2008 8:23 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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This looks like a very interesting project; not to mention super risky. I am not that techie and at the same time I am not that good in handling jobs such as this one. Is it possible to each step that you mentioned here?
Left by painting from photos on Jun 09, 2008 4:41 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Nice info
Left by ipod accessories on Jun 12, 2008 9:48 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Hm, yes, it's easier to convert junk into greater junk; now how would you convert a PocketPC into a Palm >; )
Left by Ivan Vucica on Jul 01, 2008 10:53 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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I HATE IT MAN
Left by gh on Jul 10, 2008 11:59 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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madness...
Left by Subrak on Jul 26, 2008 11:43 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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This is stupid. get a Ipod theme and put it on your pocket pc and you have an ipod you people are so fuckin stupid i want to kill all stupid people
Left by Michaelw1003 on Mar 22, 2009 3:46 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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stupid white man
Left by Aries on Jun 24, 2009 5:44 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Hello great instructions, but somthing in the back of my mind says don't follow it. I'm not really sure why. Also a quote "yuo = retard." from Tom.... Somehow I don't think that is very offending. I'm not sure why but somthing in the back of my mind says so. Hmm I wonder why.
Left by Convert Inches on Jul 01, 2009 10:50 PM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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This guy here needs therapy!!
Left by Kevin on Feb 25, 2010 12:29 AM

# re: Convert your Pocket PC into an iPod in seven easy steps
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Here an even better idea: take a laptop, remove the keyboard, shrink the screen, remove the great wi-fi with a shitty one

Pack it in a glossy cardboard box, place it behind the counter against a stark white background

and presto, you have an iPad!
Left by ipod dude on Jul 15, 2010 4:49 AM

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Left by Buck Damon on May 12, 2013 6:54 AM

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