I, Sandwiches

Kent Tegels — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 22:39:00 GMT

Thanks for linking to me, Ken. At least somebody laughts at my jokes. Did I ever tell you one about the Panda...?

Nevermind, let's not go there. Instead, let's talk about Sandwiches. Yes, stuff (preferablly eatible) between one or more slices of bread. An Ice Cream sandiwich counts in my book, but I'm not so sure about my latest “Sandwich” addiction.

Uncrustables.

Yes, I eat them. Anybody that know me knows I'm addicted to Peanut Butter. Oh sure, the Jelly is important, but let's face it, it's a PEANUT BUTTER and Jelly sandwich. Its not robotic science here either: bread, butter, Peanut Butter, Jelly and another slice of bread. For the last two weeks in a row, my lunch has been 1 or 2 uncrustables, 1 or more fruit items (Apples, largely, Bananas last week, Oranges this) and a bottle of Water. The joys of living on the road. I try to stay in the classroom for lunch when I'm teaching and this combination proves durable enough to last. There's just one problem.

I don't really believe Uncrustables are Sandwiches.

Go find one. Examine it. Go CSI:Sandwich on it. I dare you to tell me that is anything more than a Pocket trying to pass itself off as Sandwich. The evidence speaks for itself: Uni-bread. Crimped like Ravoli. Machined together. Someplace is Smuckerland there's an a spot-welding robot who suffered a mid-life crisis and is now punching bread instead of metal. Next to it is other once-otherwise-employed 'bot sperting out the PB&J. Call them Spert and Stamp..

Why am I off on this rant? Four words: I, Robot. Will Smith. I watched less than ten minutes of it. I'm scared forever.

I'm now fully sure that there is a VIKI and she's got the really food people at Smuckers locked down so tight that the only way they can communicate with us via these abominations of the Sandwich name. The logic in this infallable: An Uncrustable may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. Since actually enjoying an Uncrustable as we might enjoy proper PB&J might cause us to eat too many of them, those sinister minions of the Pocket revolution -- good old Spert and Stamp -- actually make something unjoyable. I don't think yelling at Spert and Stamp about this is going to be any good. Damn second and third laws.

And you think you've got issues. Don't even get me started on the Gummy Spider plants. I've already got the Roger Young on Speed Dial.

Tag, I'm it!

Kent Tegels — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 21:49:00 GMT

Yeah, I'm jumping on the Four-Things Tag-wagon.

Four jobs I’ve had in my life:

Developer (Geek)
System Analyst (Nerdy Geek)
Enterprise Software Architect (Business Nerdy Geek)
Instructor (Talking Head Geek)

Four movies I can watch over and over:

Patton -- “You want to know why this outfit got the hell kicked out of it? A blind man could spot it. They don't act like soldiers; they don't look like soldiers; why should they be expected to fight like soldiers? “
Shichinin no Samurai -- “Find hungry Samurai.“
A Christmas Story -- "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!"
Kentucky Fried Movie -- “What was that? This is not a chawade. We need total concentwation.”

Four places I have lived:

Fremont, Nebraska -- Harmless.
Lincoln, Nebraska -- Mostly harmless.
Omaha, Nebraska -- Still mostly harmless.
And thousands of nights in hotels world-wide

Four TV shows I love to watch:

Good Eats -- "Of course, we're not going to have any more fresh ingredients because we're all out of hand grenades."
Barefoot Contessa -- "Food is not about impressing people. It's about making them feel comfortable."
Mail Call -- “OOOOOOOO-RAH!“
Grey's Anatomy -- -- "I want facts and until I get them my pants are staying on."

Four places I have been on vacation:

Black River Falls, Wisconsin
Atlanta, Georgia
Yankton, South Dakota
(I really don't go places on Vacation...)

Four websites I visit daily:

Four of my favorite foods:

Peanut Butter (with anything)
BBQ, preferably pulled Pork
Sushi and most things Japanesse
Ribeye Steak

Four places I would rather be right now:

Home
On a flight home
Driving to the airport for a flight home
Black River Falls, Wisconsin

Four bloggers I am tagging

I'm going to add a new set of four. The the four best things in my life:

My Sunshine Janell
Jack and Claire
My extended families -- Kevin, Lizzie, John, Rita and Paul
A kick-ass Job (despite the travel)

See -- Beer, SQL Server and XML didn't even make the list.

Community

I, Sandwiches

Tag, I'm it!