Thanks for linking to me, Ken. At least somebody laughts at my jokes. Did I ever tell you one about the Panda...?
Nevermind, let's not go there. Instead, let's talk about Sandwiches. Yes, stuff (preferablly eatible) between one or more slices of bread. An Ice Cream sandiwich counts in my book, but I'm not so sure about my latest “Sandwich” addiction.
Uncrustables.
Yes, I eat them. Anybody that know me knows I'm addicted to Peanut Butter. Oh sure, the Jelly is important, but let's face it, it's a PEANUT BUTTER and Jelly sandwich. Its not robotic science here either: bread, butter, Peanut Butter, Jelly and another slice of bread. For the last two weeks in a row, my lunch has been 1 or 2 uncrustables, 1 or more fruit items (Apples, largely, Bananas last week, Oranges this) and a bottle of Water. The joys of living on the road. I try to stay in the classroom for lunch when I'm teaching and this combination proves durable enough to last. There's just one problem.
I don't really believe Uncrustables are Sandwiches.
Go find one. Examine it. Go CSI:Sandwich on it. I dare you to tell me that is anything more than a Pocket trying to pass itself off as Sandwich. The evidence speaks for itself: Uni-bread. Crimped like Ravoli. Machined together. Someplace is Smuckerland there's an a spot-welding robot who suffered a mid-life crisis and is now punching bread instead of metal. Next to it is other once-otherwise-employed 'bot sperting out the PB&J. Call them Spert and Stamp..
Why am I off on this rant? Four words: I, Robot. Will Smith. I watched less than ten minutes of it. I'm scared forever.
I'm now fully sure that there is a VIKI and she's got the really food people at Smuckers locked down so tight that the only way they can communicate with us via these abominations of the Sandwich name. The logic in this infallable: An Uncrustable may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. Since actually enjoying an Uncrustable as we might enjoy proper PB&J might cause us to eat too many of them, those sinister minions of the Pocket revolution -- good old Spert and Stamp -- actually make something unjoyable. I don't think yelling at Spert and Stamp about this is going to be any good. Damn second and third laws.
And you think you've got issues. Don't even get me started on the Gummy Spider plants. I've already got the Roger Young on Speed Dial.