Ryan R. Wood recently responded to my blog with

“I’m going to go on a Chipotle diet, except I’m going 

for a different goal. I want to gain weight…”  

Ever since I've been on this diet, I've been constantly told of better ways to lose weight. These tips usually come from fellow 'sticks' such as Ryan Wood. Don’t believe me? Check out the following blogs and their corresponding posts:

 

 

 

However, Ryan actually wants to gain weight.  Now I don’t like to toot my own horn (toot toot), but I feel like I’m a bit of an expert in this arena. Now, I finally get my chance to use my 'obese' expertise to give someone advice on how to gain weight. Follow this strict regiment Ryan and you will be successful; fat and happy if you will.

 

4 days a week go to Hardees or Carl's Jr (depending on your region). They have this new breakfast burrito that is almost 2000 calories. It is like bacon, eggs, sausage, hash browns, and biscuits and gravy wrapped into one. Sounds f’n delicious. For lunch and dinner have a Monster Burger (with fries of course). Don't forget to supersize it. Burger King’s double whopper and McDonald’s double quarter-pounder is a good alternative if you want to mix it up. For price conscious folks, the double-cheeseburgers on McDonald’s dollar menu are very fattening and cheap. The other three days you can eat a Chipotle burrito, but don't forget to get lots of sour cream and cheese. Also, you must follow it up with a big meal of spaghetti, pizza, or biscuits and gravy.  Biscuits and gravy is good any time of the day. Finally, make sure you eat after 10PM. This is the best time of the day for your body. Wash down all food with soda, beer, or other spirits and eat until you feel full at all times. Make sure you bring candy bars and donuts with you to work so you have something to snack on during the day. Do not exercise. Do not use stairs. Breath sparingly.

 

So I’m curious about what other advice do fellow pleasantly plump people have to give for these troubled skinny people such as Ryan? I hope Ryan keeps us updated on his results and may he one day join the ever-increasing obese population.