This post is probably going to be funny to some of you and disturbing to others. Viewer discretion is advised...
Okay I've had my meal. Yeah I splurged and bought extra but I did manage to eat it really slow (and most of my stuff ended up cold but it was still good). For some reason the food tasted different. In fact everything I've tasted today has a weird difference to it. It's probably due to me waiting so long to put food in my mouth but whatever.
I was alone sitting here and I had to fart. I thought “Well I am alone, what harm will it do?”. Apparently a lot. It's a very bad idea to fart when the only thing you've had for the last 3 days is water, juice, or soda. I guess my motor skills really were impared because normally I can tell when a fart will become something more but not this time, oh no.
A SNL skit comes to mind and resonates loudly as I sit here. It's hilarious to watch but the saying that goes along with it just really hit home: “Thanks OOPS! I crapped my pants!”. Yeah the skit was for adult diapers where grandparents were taking a dump out in public relying on their diapers to keep everything 'safe'.
What's sad is I really had to go to the bathroom and I actually somehow managed to form a turd in 3 days. It was surprisingly large for my lack of food consumption so I have no clue how I produced it. It must have been hiding somewhere in the abyss known as my intestines because it magically appeared in the toilet. I just wish it would have alerted me before I proceeded to ruin my boxers while I was at work. Luckily no one was here to hear me carry on about it in the bathroom. Not much got through to my shorts but yeah some did and I'm now sitting here commando style. I had to dab my shorts a little to make sure I wasn't putting my bare ass back on wet 'smelly water'. I do have a plastic bag in my car for safe transport of my stained pride but it still isn't cool. I guess I have an excuse but it's something I myself started and I myself get to end up with this consequence. I'm laughing at myself right now, really... on the inside.
Yeah this post is gross but its needed to prove a point: Don't go 3 days without eating or you'll probably need OOPS! I crapped my pants!