(Collected from Internet)
- Question: How many testers does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: None. Testers just noticed that the room was dark. Testers don't fix the problems, they just find them.
- To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the good tester, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
- There was an software tester who had an exceptional gift for finding all bugs. After serving his company for many years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million-dollar application. They had tried everything and everyone else to find the bug but the failure happened again and again. In desperation, they called on the retired software tester who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The software tester reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the application. At the end of the day, he wrote exact steps how to reproduce the problem and stated, "This is where your problem is." The bug was fixed . The company received a bill for $50,000 from the software tester for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The software tester responded briefly: One bug report $1. Knowing what to put in, $49,999.
- When you have an "I hate my job" day try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested. " Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company."
- A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess. A tester comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away. After the tester has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like a tester, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length."
- A man piloting a hot air balloon discovers he has wandered off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man down on the ground. He lowers the balloon further and shouts "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "Yes I do," replies the man. "And how did you know that?" "Well," says the balloonist, "what you told me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone." The man below says, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "how did you know?" "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect my immediate help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault!"
- Two testers went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The testers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
- Two geeks are talking over lunch. The first guy says "You wouldn't believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said 'Take whatever you want!' ... So I took the bike" The second guy says "Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
- Why programmers often mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 = DEC 25
- Software Development Cycle
Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
Users find 137 new bugs.
Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.................