I hate spiders. Big ones, small ones. It doesn't matter. I abso-F'n-lutely hate them. It's mutual. They hate me too.
Seriously... between us, I'd pretty much cross the street to avoid the nasty things. So of course, anytime I get surprised by one (a REAL one thank you. The fake ones don't bother me) I tend to ummm... freak the hell out.
This is going somewhere, I promise...
So anyway. I may have mentioned before that I live on a mountain (near the top) and drive up & down a seriously twisty-ass road all the time. Our mountain also has lots of trees. with. spiders. in. them. uggh.
Sometimes they get in my jeep. Sometimes I don't see them until I'm driving down the aforementioned twisty-ass road at night and they decide to take an 8 legged stroll across my windshield and then disappear.
Sometimes I freak the hell out. (I mentioned that already, but it bears repeating.)
I'm the sort of guy who assumes every spider is either a black widow or a brown recluse. (Mostly the latter, since the former is easier to identify.) Brown Recluses scare the crap out of me, because I knew this guy that knew this other guy who got bit by one and it totally messed him up. My brother likes to aggravate the situation by forwarding me emails about BR (as I like to call them) infestations in peoples houses.
The last time he did this, I slept on the living room couch with all the lights on, for about 3-4 weeks. Apparently in my world, that means I'm safe. Shut up.
Anyway... back to the story. So I'm driving my jeep down the mountain (at night) when this friggin HUGE (about the size of a quarter) spider goes walking along my windshield. At first I think he's outside... windshield wipers on... hmm nope he's inside. That's bad. Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. Watching him as he disappears along the edge of the windshield... OH CRAP where the hell is he. Interior lights on... oh crap its dark outside I cant see shit... ok interior lights back off. WHERE THE F!!! is that spider? Oh god, come on... why does this trip take so long... nowhere to pull over. damn damn damn... ok ok... no big deal... he's just a plain ol spider... a big ass plain ol spider, sure... but nothing to worry about WHERE THE FRACK IS IT?!?! ok.. I'm down the mountain... well lit area again. inside light on... CRAP what the hell just brushed my neck.... looking inthe rearview mirror at the ceiling and my head... no spider. ok this is ok.
...a few minutes later...
I'm at the shop. all windows are down... its cold as hell outside. gonna be here for HOURS.... maybe he'll freeze to death.. yeah. Maybe I'll just drive the van for a few days. Leave the jeep. no biggie.