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(this is gonna be a bit off-topic)

I'm a non-custodial parent of a 13 year old girl. I'm not a deadbeat or a bum. I pay child support monthly, without complaining. I also buy clothes, gifts, cover the medical/dental & vision, help with money for school trips and more. I see her every chance I get and I call & email her regularly.

In return, I am treated like shit by Family & Children Services. Why? Because I am a man. Never mind the fact that my ex-wife (her mother) had an affair for over 3 years and conceived a second child by this affair (who she later married and then divorced.) Every time my ex-wife gets low on funds, she comes after me. I didn't abandon her, she destroyed our marriage and his marriage and then left with him. (Naturally, he did the same thing to her 10 years later.)

I'm in their system, therefore I must be a bad person, right? If I am guilty of anything, it's choosing poorly 15 years ago.

I called them (Family & Children Services) today because I sincerely feel that the money I send is not being used appropriately. She does not buy my daughter new clothes (I do), she barely keeps food in the house (my daughter is always starving when she visits), she does not buy my daughter new shoes (I do) and her number one excuse for all of this is that she doesn't have the money for it. However, she does have the money for a brand new car. Brand new clothes for herself (a new outfit every time I see her.) Brand new shoes for herself (4 pair in the last month, according to my daughter.) Road trips across state to see her internet boyfriend every couple weeks. She's not even spending the money on the house note. Her ex-husband pays that.

Also, my daughter's grades are horrible. Really really bad. My ex-wife refuses to help her with her homework or even make sure it gets done and turned in. My daughter says it's because she is too busy sitting at the computer playing video games and talking to her internet boyfriend for 5 hours every night. (This is also why I can never get through lately, since they're on dialup. So now I'm buying my daughter a limited use cellphone.)

Their response? Sorry... not our problem. You can't do anything about it. They told me I'm not allowed to file a complaint. I'm not allowed to even talk to a case worker about it. My only course of action is to get a lawyer and try to get custody. They don't care. If I don't pay... I'm a deadbeat bastard, but if she blows it all on herself... it's tough shit for me (and my daughter.)

This is what's wrong with their system. Indifferent government workers coupled with a bias against fathers. This sucks.

posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 10:54 AM

Feedback

# re: Dear sir or ma'am, I would like to inform you that your system sucks... 3/22/2006 12:19 PM Peter Bromberg
Don't feel bad, fellow MVP. In 1997, FL DCF in cahoots with a very nasty female judge took our then 9 year old autistic son and put him into foster shelter against a bogus complaint from a mentally ill person. After about $50,000 in legal fees, we finally got him back.
Cheers.

# re: Dear sir or ma'am, I would like to inform you that your system sucks... 3/23/2006 7:43 AM OG
I'm a divorced father of two...the story is the same as yours (earily the same), so I won't rehash...talk to a lawyer before you talk to FCS. FCS isn't going to help you until they realize you're serious and the complaints are real. Many many many divorced fathers try to use FCS as a way to get back at their ex-spouse, usually on completely unfounded issues. Probably 99% of the complaints made to FCS are unfounded. Get some evidence. Take pictures. Talk to your lawyer. Have your lawyer talk to FCS. Once they realize your claim is legitimate, they'll send around counsellors to make surprise visits and check to make sure things are they way they should be. If they determine you are right, they'll make life a living nightmare for your ex.

# re: Dear sir or ma'am, I would like to inform you that your system sucks... 3/23/2006 3:37 PM wvhoki
I have no additional advice, but I do want to say KUDOS to you for continuing to be a presence in your daughter's life. You must be doing something very right if a 13-year old wants to talk to her parent. Keep it up and NEVER give up!

# re: Dear sir or ma'am, I would like to inform you that your system sucks... 3/23/2006 5:27 PM Chris Williams
Thanks! I'm hoping to have her live with me for High School.

# re: Dear sir or ma'am, I would like to inform you that your system sucks... 3/25/2006 4:52 PM Codesailor
I really feel terrible for you. I truly understand the, dare I say, panic, that can beset you if you think your kid is even remotely unhappy AND you are virtually helpless to take immediate action and there is not long-term guarantee.

I agree with wvhoki...you're da man...stick to your guns!

# re: Dear sir or ma'am, I would like to inform you that your system sucks... 1/26/2008 9:35 PM Casey
I have quite a few alienations clauses filed against my ex-wife in court. The courts are worthless in protecting men in court.
I have 2 kids that my ex has done everything with the courts power to ruin a relationship between me and my wonderful children. I am a wallet to the ex and the kids and absolutely nothing more. It's really unfortunate for the dads and their children. Hopefully someday the vindictive ex-wives will pay dearly for their actions. And hopefully the court system will grow some BALLS for men.

# re: Dear sir or ma'am, I would like to inform you that your system sucks... 5/28/2008 10:18 AM Jasmin
I am a college student studying Legal Admin, I must say I am appalled at this story. In my country, the Legal system is set up differently. If a wife and husband divorce, the child after 7 years old ( when he/she longer dependent on mother) goes to the father, if the father wishes( but this would be different if he had an affair or was an abuser (this kind of claim against him has to have legitamte proof). The mother has complete access to her child if on the rare case a father acts up, the court steps in (again this there must be evidence). However, this system in general works, though it is not perfect. There are many reasons the child goes to the father, one being it would make it easier for the mother to remarry (i.e. great stigma against divorce women with children), another is that assuming he is a good father, whoever he marries---would follow him ( cause according to our customs the male is the leader of the household) Of course this does not make him king or god over women...Though this system has its problems, on the whole it functions ok.

I know with time and great patients, on your part, the court will see your side. Always keep in mind that at least your daughter sees who you really are. That is what matters Most. She knows your a good and loving dad, so my friend do not sweat, you will soon reap what you sew, and i dear say so will your wife!


# How my ex came back 7/3/2013 5:43 AM Dan
I really wanted my ex to return to me, but I also wanted the reassurance did this actually works and I did not want to be taken advantage of. I did not have a lot of money so I wanted this to work. I wanted my ex back and I will do anything to get her back. I love her and want only her in my life. Priestess Munak went over some important details of my life, and after casting the spell, my loved Lisa called me back, and moved in with me again. We are very happy now, I would advice anyone to meet this spell lady for her spell is strong. her email is priestessmunak@gmail.com

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