Geeks With Blogs
Caffeinated Coder A Grande, Triple Shot, Non-Fat Core Dump by Russell Ball
I just noticed a reference to yours truly in one of D'Arcy Lussier's recent posts in which he talks much smack about his plans to overtake Chris Williams (a.k.a Blogus Maximus) for the title of wordiest bastard on GeeksWithBlogs.

It was bad enough that his weirdo Knuck references forced me to google both Toque and Tim Horton or that his absurd suggestion that I would soon want to immigrate to Canada to be closer to the new "Blogger King" caused me to spew coffee over my monitors.  But he simply crossed the line when he vowed to ban me for life from GeeksWithBlogs if I don't pay him proper respects by awarding him another coveted CaffeinatedCodey award.

This offends me almost as much as Canadian fart jokes.

First of all, I can't be intimidated into submission by anyone other than my wife who currently has enough pregnancy hormones surging through her body to drop a large elephant.<Pre-emptiveDisclaimer>No honey, I'm not in any way calling you fat.</
Pre-emptiveDisclaimer>

Secondly, what makes him so special that he can demand a prize that many have killed for without first offering up a princely bribe like all the previous winners. Justice Gray (a.k.a Justin the Metrosexual), for example, offered me a lifetime supply of "Nair For Men" along with his super secret exfoliation recipe. Rory Blyth offered first to make me a God and then to help disguise me as a forest so that I could escape the clutches of the Evil New Orko Seclorum. Most of the other winners offered me vast sums of their blogger wealth, which thanks to the new tech bubble now dwarfs the paltry chump change held by the oil tycoons.

So D'Arcy, I leave you with the following classic parable to ponder while you search the frozen tundra that you call home for a bribe worthy enough to secure you another Caffeinated Codey
.

An American, a German and a Canadian blogger were sitting in a sauna when suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my Blackberry device he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained "That was my iPhone, I have a microchip in my hand."

The Canadian felt decidedly low-tech, but not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Canadian finally said "Well, will you look at that! I'm getting a fax."
Posted on Monday, December 17, 2007 12:42 AM Musings, Rants, and Humor | Back to top


Comments on this post: An Open Letter to a Certain Delusional Canadian Blogger

# re: An Open Letter to a Certain Delusional Canadian Blogger
Requesting Gravatar...
This is the first bit of online activity I've had all day, and I'm FURIOUS.

This Justin guy has announce *himself* to be this metrosexual blogger whatever, but... BUT - who has the bigger perfume collection? Who can't start the day without Dolce, Prada, Tod's, Hugo Boss, and other totally flamingly metro items?

You want an exfoliation recipe? I'd give you one, but you're just validating Justin's claims by talking at all about *his* technique.

Mine happens in two steps - morning and night - as well as a weekly treatment.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. I CAN'T BELIEVE I SPENT THE DAY IN MEATSPACE ONLY TO COME BACK TO CYBERSPACE AND FIND THAT SOME OTHER GUY THINKS HE'S THE BIGGER METROSEXUAL BLOGGER.

Gauntlet. I'm throwing it down.

We'll see who the bigger metrosexual blogger is...

Oh, yes.

We'll see.
Left by Rory on Dec 17, 2007 11:06 PM

# re: An Open Letter to a Certain Delusional Canadian Blogger
Requesting Gravatar...
Those are some impressive metrosexual creds. I'm afraid I had to alert Justice that you have publically questioned his metro street creds. We'll see if he defends his honor and proves once and for all whether or not his expoliation recipe is superior to yours.
Left by Russell Ball on Dec 21, 2007 8:53 AM

# re: An Open Letter to a Certain Delusional Canadian Blogger
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And just when will see the walkoff where Justice and Rory both compete to make a selection of MS t-shirts look sexy in an attempt to be named *the* metrosexual developer?

"Contestants, you have 5 minutes to accessorize yourself using only what you find in your laptop bag"
Left by Bil on Dec 21, 2007 9:54 AM

# re: An Open Letter to a Certain Delusional Canadian Blogger
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Brilliant! They'll have to dig deep into their metrosexual bag of tricks for this one. We'll finally see who the true Metro Jedi is.
Left by Russell Ball on Dec 21, 2007 10:16 AM

# re: An Open Letter to a Certain Delusional Canadian Blogger
Requesting Gravatar...
Um...speaking as Justice's *wife,* I can definitely say that he has some serious metro cred. He happens to know his way around a catwalk (if you ask him nicely he may elaborate). He travels with *two* large, stuffed toiletry bags, whereas I only need one (and I'm quite the prissy princess myself). We won't even talk about colognes, since he has a shelf full of stuff he hasn't even opened yet. If you really want to throw down the gauntlet, feel free. I have a feeling he'll give you more than a run for your money, Rory. :)


Left by Mrs Loquacious on Dec 21, 2007 1:16 PM

# re: An Open Letter to a Certain Delusional Canadian Blogger
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@Justice/@Mrs. Loquacious - Well played! Justice, you've obviously got yourself a keeper there for a wife. She defended your honor well. The whole catwalk thing will be hard to top. We'll see if Rory can possibly come up with anything to trump that.
Left by Russell Ball on Dec 21, 2007 1:30 PM

# re: An Open Letter to a Certain Delusional Canadian Blogger
Requesting Gravatar...
Oh, this is SO on.

These responses are kindling on the pyre of your coveted status, Justice.

As soon as I find someone willing to sully his gloves by lighting a match, I'll have this thing set alight.
Left by Rory on Dec 21, 2007 2:40 PM

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