I just noticed a reference to yours truly in one of D'Arcy Lussier's recent posts in which he talks much smack about his plans to overtake Chris Williams (a.k.a Blogus Maximus) for the title of wordiest bastard on GeeksWithBlogs.
It was bad enough that his weirdo Knuck references forced me to google both Toque and Tim Horton or that his absurd suggestion that I would soon want to immigrate to Canada to be closer to the new
"Blogger King" caused me to spew coffee over my monitors. But he simply crossed the line when he vowed to ban me for life from GeeksWithBlogs if I don't pay him proper respects by awarding him another coveted CaffeinatedCodey award.
This offends me almost as much as Canadian fart jokes.
First of all, I can't be intimidated into submission by anyone other than my wife who currently has enough pregnancy hormones surging through her body to drop a large elephant.<Pre-emptiveDisclaimer>No honey, I'm not in any way calling you fat.</Pre-emptiveDisclaimer>
Secondly, what makes him so special that he can demand a prize that many have killed for without first offering up a princely bribe like all the previous winners. Justice Gray (a.k.a Justin the Metrosexual), for example, offered me a lifetime supply of "Nair For Men" along with his super secret exfoliation recipe. Rory Blyth offered first to make me a God and then to help disguise me as a forest so that I could escape the clutches of the Evil New Orko Seclorum. Most of the other winners offered me vast sums of their blogger wealth, which thanks to the new tech bubble now dwarfs the paltry chump change held by the oil tycoons.
So D'Arcy, I leave you with the following classic parable to ponder while you search the frozen tundra that you call home for a bribe worthy enough to secure you another Caffeinated Codey.
An American, a German and a Canadian blogger were sitting in a sauna when suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my Blackberry device he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained "That was my iPhone, I have a microchip in my hand."
The Canadian felt decidedly low-tech, but not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Canadian finally said "Well, will you look at that! I'm getting a fax."