Brian Tinkler

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Interesting subject line, I imagine.  Well, at least for some of us who are still aspiring to that monetary level.

It’s funny that this would somehow find it’s way into the subject line of a blog post of mine.  It was only several months ago that I read a book my mother sent me, called “The Five Lessons a Millionaire Taught Me: About Life and Wealth”.  

Nonetheless, I had a very interesting conversation with a millionaire friend of mine just last week.  I had prefaced the call by telling him I was a big personal development freak – you know, one of those guys who has listened to so many inspirational personal development speakers and read so many of their books that you get sick talking to me sometimes. J  I know he is also one of those guys – coincidence?  Probably not, but I’ll save that lecture for another post.  I wanted to talk with him specifically about the personal development choices he has made in his life.  I first met him when he was more humbly making only a couple of hundred thousand a year.  He was one of my first mentors in my career.  This year, as a big shot at VoIP vendor Avaya, he stands to make nearly $2m.  So, when someone accomplishes that in just a few short years, I want to find out his secrets.

Well, suffice it to say, our conversation started fairly normally.  We gave each other updates on our careers, friends, family, etc.  It had been nearly a year since we’d last talked, so it was nice to get caught up.  However, our conversation turned a direction I didn’t expect.  However, I’m glad it turned that direction and that’s the real reason I’m blogging about this now.

Todd and I talked about leadership.  No, not the Peter Drucker kind of leadership.  We’ve both already memorized all of his work.  Nope, no Stephen Covey or Brian Tracy or Jim Rohn, or any others who are famous for their teachings on leadership.  No, believe it or not, we talked about a different kind of leadership.

We talked about what it meant and what it took to lead our families.  We talked about the roles we held in our husband/wife relationships, the father/child relationships, and how those roles defined who we are as men.  It was a very valuable conversation. 

In the end, we both acknowledged how difficult it can be to accomplish all we aspire to professionally, while still being good fathers and husbands.  More so, we acknowledged it is much easier to be successful professionally than in either of these much more important areas of our lives.  Then, we took it a step further and agreed that it was easier to be a good father than a good husband.  Because, partly at least, children look up to their fathers as leaders.  While, most often, wives don’t – or at least aren’t relegated to do so. 

So, we both agreed that we’d get together in a few weeks, every few weeks to talk through how we were doing and to report our successes and failures.  Todd recommended I read a book, and now that I’m a few chapters into it, I’m happy to recommend it to any of you who are looking to be a true leader in your family.  The book is called “Point Man” by Steve Ferrar.  You can find it and the other 2 books by the same author I bought at Amazon.com.  It’s inexpensive and easy to read.  It’s also a very quick read.  I just got it today and I’m about 1/5 through it.  It’ll change your way of thinking about your responsibilities. 

I feel compelled to wish for each of you a life of health, wealth and happiness.  I believe that only comes from a balanced life that includes family, friends, and career successes all masterfully gelled together into a coherent masterpiece executed by each of us with our most fervent intention.

Good Luck!

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posted on Tuesday, February 15, 2005 2:15 AM

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# re: Lessons from a millionaire friend of mine 2/15/2005 7:09 AM Brian Carroll
Brian,

I enjoyed your post. Being a Christian, a father, a husband, and a "professional", I can relate with the difficult task of balancing all the different areas of life. I really enjoy my job, so it's easy for me to let it get in the way of everything else.

If, like me, you tend to let your professional ambitions get in the way of the more important things in life, I would recommend reading the book of Ecclesiastes from the Old Testament. Written by Solomon after he had "been there and done that", it is packed with wisdom we can apply to our lives.

A short excerpt from Ecc 2:24-25...

"So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that this pleasure is from the hand of God. For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him?"



# re: Lessons from a millionaire friend of mine 9/20/2005 2:34 PM Sam
Great feedback to read Ecclesiastes.
God and christ are everything. Your first role is to serve and love...money is unimportant. True self development comes from following and becoming Christ Like.

# re: Lessons from a millionaire friend of mine 9/20/2005 2:58 PM Brian Tinkler
Now, I agree striving to be Christ-Like is a great guiding principle and one that many people follow, regardless of whether they assign Christ as the role-model or not. BTW, I encourage them to do so, but my point is that is not as important as doing those things that are Christ-Like.

I've found many inspirations from the bible and I'm constantly impressed that at each reading, I find new value because of my change in perspective since the last time I read that chapter, verse, or passage.

However, and I want to capitalize, underscore, outline, highlight, and otherwise accentuate that NO where, I mean NO WHERE in the Bible or in any reasonably attributed spiritual writing does it ever suggest that money is unimportant. Money is a vehicle by which all earthly life interacts. It is the forgoing of all else but money that is the problem many face. Money is neither good or bad. It can be used for both. I don't want anyone to mistake my position on money - it's very important and I strive to make all of it I can. The message of Christianity too often gets distorted to misrepresent ideas that are not from God, and are therefore NOT Christ-Like, irregardless of the intentions of those purveying those ideas. Christ was a unique example on the Earth and he surrounded himself with many who were successful monetarily to help fund his ministry. Christ never chastised those for having money or pursuing money, only those who did so above the principles and values he exemplified. Read, re-read, and then go read again. Take it all in context and you'll understand Christ wants us to be rich in many ways during our earthly life - including monetarily.


# re: Lessons from a millionaire friend of mine 9/20/2006 6:14 PM tyrone mungin
i need help getting closer to god,it same nothing do is improving my life,my life is not worst going on,but i know god is somewhere but where,i'm disable,but i still work,i read the bible sometimes,i have no imcome that ease my problems,i'm misable all the times,no one respects me,they used for the little i get,than treat like nothing,my self respect has weaking,pleaase help me please,from charleston sc,seeking a friend tyrone,and thank u.

# re: Lessons from a millionaire friend of mine 3/5/2007 7:45 AM Dave Dalton
Brian,

I googled Steve Ferrar, because I heard his name for the first time today on the radio. Then I read your blog about have much more difficult it is to be a good husband, than father, but, prior to that, how much more difficult to be a spiritual leader in the home than to be a professional leader.

I whole heartedly agree! I heard about Steve F. name on a Chuck Swindoll broadcast. In this broadcast he is talking about manhood.

The Promise Keeper movement was very powerful, I'm not quite sure why it died down...

On Brian Tracy and the like... yes, great on leadership skills... but, I have found most of this kind of leadership that you are talking about comes from only one place... a personal encounter with God where He breaks you, so that He can remold you. That's been my experience, then the books and tapes all reinforce that prayer closet experience, not the other way around. The enemy of our souls will do everything he can to keep us off our knees, even have us read such books as Ferrar as a substitute from a real encounter with God.

# re: Lessons from a millionaire friend of mine 1/7/2009 4:40 AM venus
I am female, married and with a kid, the second one is on the way. I am bothered about my husband and I pray that God visit him. He needs an encounter with God the type the last person mentioned. I am currently reading steve ferrar book, and that's what led me to your blog. Although the book is for men, I would want to recommend the book for not just men only, but females too who want to learn more about the male perspective. This understanding is necessary to be a better wife and mother. Your reference to the fact that its easier to be a father than to be a husband is also quite revealing, because it would teach women the very act of submission. The Bible has it all. It is indeed a great book. Satan is out to destroy the works of God.. We all have to beware. Let me ask you, what does a man want?

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